


Hurt

by AdderBaggins



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Drug Abuse, I Don't Even Know, and poor Sherlock drew the short straw, crap title is crap, i just had to vent, it's just angst, kinda vaguely mentioned and hinted at, nothing graphic, trigger for self harm, trigger for suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-01
Updated: 2014-09-01
Packaged: 2018-02-15 19:01:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2239926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AdderBaggins/pseuds/AdderBaggins
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John didn't react well to the surprise return of his "dead" friend.<br/>Sherlock didn't react well to the rejection.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hurt

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, this is just some stupid little angsty thing that came to me, because I'm in a stupidly angsty mood. It probably doesn't make a lot of sense.
> 
> Nothing belongs to me (except the angst)
> 
> Lyrics are from the song 'Hurt' by Nine Inch Nails. (Famously covered by The Man in Black)

_I hurt myself today, to see if I still feel.  
I focus on the pain, the only thing that's real._

 

The floor was cold. The air was cold. He felt none of it. Only the deep throbbing, the sting of fresh cuts.  
He didn’t know how long he had been in the bathroom, curled up against the back of the locked door, a small trickle of blood leaking from beneath his sleeves. Time had been passing so slowly lately, precious little to occupy it.  
The blackness had set in slowly, creeping out from some small corner of his mind. It moved like poison. Silent and swift, taking a little to start with, and then gaining strength as it leaked into each and every opening.  
His eyes, once bright and full of excitement at perhaps the worst possible times, were now as dull and lifeless as his current appearance. They flickered to the floor, to the sleek brown box which sat open beside his sock clad feet.  
Could he?  
Would he?  
A hand reached out, pale and practically nothing more than skin on bone. He’d lost weight, too much of it. He knew this, but couldn’t find it within himself to care. The blue pyjamas which currently covered him gave the impression of belonging to a man almost twice his size, they were tatty. Ruined. Just like him.

_The needle tears a hole, the old familiar sting.  
Try to kill it all away, but I remember everything._

Shaking fingers pried the box open, reaching for the instruments within. A long, slender hypodermic needle, already filled with what it was he most desired.  
No.  
No that wasn’t strictly true.  
But what he desired most, was no longer his to have.  
This was his. This, was all that he was worth.  
The sharp, almost scratchy feeling, caused a breath of relief to flee his lungs. The needle sliding in smoothly. Without a second thought, he pushed down and felt the rush of cool liquid enter his veins.  
It was done now. 

_What have I become?_  
My sweetest friend.  
Everyone I know, goes away in the end. 

His mind went back. To the day he’d made the ultimate sacrifice.  
And to the day he realised just how much that had cost him.

Time.  
Time had been asked for. Time had been given.  
That time had been taken up by another.  
There was no time left for him now.

Perhaps.  
Maybe.  
We’ll see.

Guilt. A not entirely new feeling, but one that he hadn’t always been acquainted with.  
It burned now. Burned along with the substance which coursed through his veins.

Five hours.  
Five hours ago, John was supposed to be here. To pass judgement.  
John was not coming.  
John’s choice had been made.  
John was staying in his new life.

He could not stay in this one.  
He would be nothing, without his blogger.

_And you could have it all, my empire of dirt._

His eyes fell shut, darkness descending.  
The steady rise and fall of his chest faltered.  
Once.  
His hand fell, syringe rolling across the floor.  
Twice.  
His head lolled to the side, body tipping to become wedged between the door and the bathtub.  
Three times….  


No more.

_I will let you down,  
I will make you hurt._


End file.
